Thought/Quote Log

Anything I’ve ever posted on the Quote of The Day column will be kept here, this is a little log for it, and i think it’s useful… say you liked a funny thought I’d posted a few days back and want to use it for something (using it as a begining for a speech, something to add humor to an essay of urs, to impress a date or person u have a crush on and u want to convince them that u use ur brain for things other than thinking of easier way of staring at the person’s butt without them noticing), you’ll find it here 😀

* “Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?”

* “Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”? Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken over there … I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?”

* “How come we say ‘It’s colder than hell outside’ when isn’t it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?”

* “Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?”

* “Why is it that if something says, “do not eat” on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?”

* “Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?”

* “Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can’t we run outside naked?”

* “When French people swear do they say pardon my English?”

* “When a boy is named after his dad, he is called ‘Junior,’ but what do you call a girl that is named after her mother?”

* “If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?”

* “Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?”

* “Why did Mary own a little lamb?”

* “Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?”

* “When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?”

* “Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you’re standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn’t you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?”

* “If you choke one of the Smurfs… what colour would their face turn into?”

* “Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.”
George Carlin.

* “First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.”
George Burns.

* “My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.”
Charles Kettering.

* “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”
Ellen DeGeneres

* “Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow.”
Lawrence Clark Powell